I have heard enough. Many women say they are a horror when it comes to household management. While tips for good housekeeping abound, most notably from Marie Kondo, the Joy-Sparking guru, the side of immaculacy – the state of spotless tidiness – continues to elude us. Marie Kondo was mocked for her unconventional discarding method with a landfill named after her. People equate stuff to hard-earned dollars. Throwing away a perfectly functional cassette player or a Walkman would be absurd.
Before you continue, I invite you to read My Clutter Story first. You don’t watch “Back to the Future II” before watching “Back to the Future I.” Although it is rare for a sequel to be better than the original, I certainly hope this installment would make my mother proud.
Now you know I like to be neat, but I am not a natural. I probably can never get a job at House Beautiful. Yet, I do have a revolutionary thought.
“You don’t have housekeeping issues. You have STUFF issues.”
Five and Below
Can you mess up a room with five items?
Say you keep five things in a typical kids’ bedroom: a bed, a lamp on a table (so that counts as two), a shelf with five books. Let’s throw in a Thomas The Train rug to complete the look.
Now ask your kids and their friends to hang out and go crazy in that room.
A tornado might come and rip through this place, but you can put it back in five minutes. In other words, it is difficult to mess up a room with only five items.
A Visit to a Principal’s Office
I once read a story about an accomplished woman that was looking for a kindergarten for her daughter. She decided to tour several preschools first. After one visit to a private school, she recalled in her book,
“I will never forget sitting in the front office waiting to meet with the principal of a nearby private school. When her door swung open for us to enter, I probably gasped out loud. My eyes locked in on the overwhelming number of textbooks in every corner of her floor and lining the back wall. Magazines were stacked two feet high and falling to the floor. I’ve never seen so many manila folders piled on top of a filing cabinet in my life. Artwork from students scattered across her side table. Leftover food sat on her desk. Not to mention the principals’ high-heel pumps laying on the floor as well as a pair of house slippers to help her get comfy in that peaceful, little oasis!”
The principal must have read her mind; she blurted out a quick apology.
“Please forgive me for the messy office. I apologize for how bad it looks. I am the principal.”
For a mother who was ready to spend thousands of dollars in tuition, this was not a greeting she wanted to hear. She thought to herself,
“If you have to apologize upfront for the condition of your personal work environment (and you are the leader of this institution), then your teachers will most likely model your behavior and probably apologize for the condition of the classroom.”
But she was too polite to be blunt.
“Oh, you know what, my office just called. I am so sorry. I have to go.” This mom made up a very lame excuse just so she could get out of there.
“Wait, let me give you our information before you go.”
The principal’s desk was so cluttered she couldn’t locate the “New Student Enrollment Packet.” She asked her assistant for a post-it, but they couldn’t find those either.
“Umm, may I have your address so I can mail it to you?”
Reluctantly she gave her home address to a very flustered principal who then scribbled it on a piece of scrap paper.
The head of this school not only lost thousands of dollars in potential revenue but also all the referrals that would have been made through this well-connected mom. She would later waste a few more dollars to ship a welcome packet that will go straight to trash.
A visit to a principal’s office…and who was in trouble? The principal.
There are no second chances to the first impression. You never know how much your clutter can cost you or the company you work for.
A Visit to a Supermarket
Two years ago, there was a buzz about a new Chinese supermarket that would soon open in the heart of Long Island. There was already an Asian food market – no one knows about – further south on the Island, but you can never have enough Chinese grocers for the Chinese people. The supermarkets that occupy every corner of downtown Flushing were the reason for its real estate boom.
All I care about is Lao Gan Ma Spicy Fried Chili in Oil and Xin Zhu Rice Noodles. For months I counted days until its grand opening. I read its very first review on Yelp the day it opened. I then visited the store a week later and was impressed by the space. I walked by an open cubicle nestled right next to the check-out area. It was strange to see such a work area right inside a supermarket. Maybe that is how the bosses keep an eye on the employees? But they didn’t know their customers were keeping their eyes on the bosses! The desks were strewn with piles of paper. Cardboard boxes, both opened and sealed, some stacked, some standing alone, covered much of the floor. I had an inkling that their business might suffer in the hands of a manager that could not keep his or her workspace under control. The inside of the supermarket was well-kept – thanks to its massive space, but the outside of the store is a puzzling sight for sore eyes. It showcases a bizarre collection of merchandise. It’s like East meets the West: a traditional Asian night market declaring a comeback in a still predominantly white neighborhood, looking to defy the American way.
Over time there were murmurs about its stale produce and outrageous prices. People wondered about the emptiness of the store. Chinese supermarkets are supposed to bustle with life! This grocery chain was in the position to be a smashing success for there is a real need for such a market to serve the massive influx of Chinese families that still eat hotpot year-round. It failed to live up to its expectations. In my very humble opinion, their lack of success may stem from that cluttered office.
A Visit to the Forest
Over the summer, while the world was still reeling from the impact of the lockdown, we went on the road and spent a week in a mountain cabin. I desperately needed a respite, and I spent quite a bit of time in a frazzled stupor as I tried to make sense of it all.
I sat on the porch and stared into the green foliage of the dense woodland. Oak trees, tightly packed in, lined the foothills at no particular formation. More than once, I heard a rustling of dry leaves. It was apparent small creatures abounded, and they scurried around gathering their next meal. There was so much life in this place! Yet, with all of its activities, mess would not be the word to describe it. The unassuming rustic beauty of the woods left me yearning for what I cannot achieve. I turned around and saw ceramic bowls with unfinished soup where pieces of scallions and leafy vegetables were left uneaten. There were spills on the side of the table. Dirty dishes were not stacked the way I wanted. Metal forks and spoons haphazardly laid in the sink. It’s a mess after every meal. The woods don’t need any cleaning. Our living space, however, requires constant upkeep. Why?
God created a world that doesn’t need vacuuming, dusting, wiping down, and sanitizing as long as humans are kept away. Homo sapiens that rule the food chain can hardly maintain a room. We are created in God’s image, who embodies design and order. Yet, we have the propensity for chaos and disarray. Why?
The forest spoke as the trees rustle in the wind.
What God put on this earth are necessities. The whole ecosystem is arranged for all living things to grow and thrive. The food chains work to perfection; there are no trash and junk because all matters decay and return to the ground. God’s earth never has to be decluttered.
The Creator would not mind that we imitate Him.
A family of deer trotted by and cast a curious glance at me. I waved and grinned at my companions as I thank their forest for the insight and epiphany.
Only keep what is essential for survival.
Only acquire the best quality item that you can afford.
Put it in Practice
For 1,000 items at $2.99 each from the dollar store, it will cost $3,000. For three thousand dollars, you can buy one of the most energy-efficient and state-of-the-art refrigerators on the market. Or you can buy a powerful computer to boost your productivity.
In other words, avoid buying any more junk that will just end up in the landfill.
If you are a newlywed or a young adult moving into an empty space, you are in a great position. Leave your childhood behind in your parents’ house. Don’t answer your mom’s calls or texts asking you to go back and clean up your old bedroom. Why? This is not being heartless. Your retired parents, new empty-nesters, need to stay busy. Ask your mom to go over your things and give her permission to throw your stuff away or sell them on eBay.
As you furnish your new digs, do not buy organizers. Cheaply-made organizers pass themselves off as helpful friends, but they are the hoarders’ worst enemy. A hanging rack of sweaters and sneakers will not give your bedroom a facelift. On the contrary, they will be an eyesore and a constant reminder of why you still have your shirts and shoes scattered all over the floor.
You don’t want to be a great organizer. If you love to organize, organize a gathering for your friends and family, but do not organize your knickknacks! A neatly ordered shelf has a shelf life of at most a few hours before more stuff gets shoved in there. You want to reach a point where you don’t have to organize much of anything – unless you run a minimart, unless you own a warehouse, unless all you keep will turn a profit when sold.
For what you need, buy the best quality items you can afford. Expect to keep them until they give out or when you have to move. Don’t buy cheap things that will break within weeks or months and that you will end up looking for their replacement. Value your time as much as you value your money.
The reason we have so much stuff we cannot part with is because of the scarcity mindset. Chinese parents often tell sob stories of their impoverished childhood and how they scraped and scrimped to put their children through college. These stories may inspire the affluent westerners, but they make us afraid of losing it all. So we hoard.
If you have not touched something for ten months, you will most likely not need it for the next ten years. How many ten years do we have left in our lifetime? Think about the space you could reclaim from your real estate if you can simply let your stuff go.
Am I Putting it in Practice?
Twenty years into the same marriage with the same man and living in the same house, I have accumulated too much stuff. I still have college textbooks hidden somewhere in the back of my garage. I finally donated my work clothes from my 20s. Don’t assume your skin-and-bone teenage girls would want to wear your old, expensive garb to their first job interview. Why would we ever think that? Did anyone of us ever wear our dad’s baggy suit or our mom’s tailored dress to anything?
People may know me as someone that doesn’t look for bargains; I probably almost always overpay. But I say this humbly: I am rarely bogged down by petty errands, such as returning a broken item or spending the best part of my day with the customer service, losing my peace arguing over nickels and dimes.
I long to return my house to the pre-Covid condition where there were no clutters, and everything was in its place. Even if you don’t plan to host a dinner party at your home for the holidays this winter, I encourage you to declutter – mercilessly. Reclaim your mental space before you win back your physical space.
Live with an Abundance Mindset
Days before Jesus’ death, Mary poured a costly jar of perfume on Jesus’ dusty, bare feet. This perfume called Nard cost around $20,000 – $30,000 today. Soon after Jesus’ death, a Pharisee named Josephus offered up the tomb he had purchased for himself. A man in his social standing probably had one of the finest lots the money could buy. Jesus would not be buried in a shallow grave, even if he only needed it for three days.
No cheap perfume. No shallow grave. Jesus was never wealthy, but he lived and died as rich as a King.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
John 10:10
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:19-21